Andy's Mind

I was in a big shopping mall today. I went there to get my car washed inside and out in preparation for selling it. As it was cleaned I went inside to somehow spend this hour. I bought something to eat, a portion of plastic mall food served on a paper dish with plastic cutlery on a plastic tray. I sat in a plastic chair by a plastic table and, while eating this stuff and drinking an artificial bubbly drink, I watched people around me.

It’s interesting how much my perception changed since the time when I worked nearby, in the offices of one of the biggest telco companies on the market. Somehow I felt out of place there today, not belonging to the crowd of haves anymore I ventured onto their terrain to watch them. I’m not sure if I want to get back into this circle again, but then I’m not sure I really would like to stay outside. Life seems easier from the inside, even if it’s just an illusion it’s a strong one.

All in all I have a feeling I wasted most of my day. I didn’t work as much as I wanted. I didn’t accomplish even a third of what I wanted to today. I just can’t get a grip strong enough on myself, squeeze myself strong enough, focus on writing documents which I don’t give a damn about, somehow keep my mind from running away to browse the net, discuss photos, write e-mails etc. Internet is a killer for productivity. But I’m addicted, I can’t help it.

Now I know why some people have many blogs. It happened so that this blog has served recently mainly as an outlet for my writing – I posted short or very short stories on it. And I still want to do so, it is fun and in this way many ideas I have for them won’t get lost. Who knows, maybe one day I’ll gather the best of them and publish somewhere else. For now I just enjoy that.

But, from time to time I would like to write something else – like a commentary on something that’s going on in the world that I consider interesting or happen to have opinion about. Or something about my practice and Buddhism. Or a recipe. Or just a few words about my life. For example, today was a great day, 30C/86F, sunny, blue skies – and I enjoyed every single moment of this great, warm weather.

The problem is, some people who may like my writing (hope there are some) might not like my political views or posts about my life. I do understand now why people split their posts into many blogs. This way everyone gets what they want. And I started to wonder, whether I should do the same.

But after some consideration I decided not to. It’s, after all, “Andy’s Mind”, and my mind is not focused on just one thing. Quite the opposite. So, this place will reflect that. Enjoy it as it is!

It was a clear, summer night, with full moon glowing in the skies together with some stars. The park was quiet. Even during the day this hill was rarely crowded, as it was located far from all entrances and overlooked a large cemetery beneath. Only some older regulars knew it offered a great view on the city below, extended between the hills and the ocean. And calm. Especially so now, near midnight when the park was closed and all those who visited it during the day were now occupied with their lives in the vibrating sea of lights below.

Sitting on the only bench on top of the hill was a lone man. He looked quietly at the city before him. He was dressed in black, or at least that’s how his clothes appeared in the moonlight. It would be hard to tell his age, with his cleanly shaven, swarthy face and short hair he could easily pass as a twenty-something. He sat comfortably, with his back against the bench and hands in his lap, motionless. Only his eyes seemed alive, wandering on the horizon, following the dots of light moving in the streets below.

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Learning a new language is opening a new window to the world. New language is a new point of view, new way of thinking, new sounds and a glimpse on a new culture. I learn Spanish now and I already got to the point, where I know that with time I’ll know it as well as I do English. This is a joyous experience. And the moment, almost two years ago, when I started from scratch seems now so distant.

But it occurred to me that it is the same with almost every thing we learn or achieve. It seems distant at first, almost unattainable, then there is the joyous feeling when we manage to do it sloppily, for the first time. And then it becomes part of us. With time we integrate it so deeply it becomes part of the foundation on which we stand trying to learn or achieve another, new thing. And then, some of those abilities connect with our inner core, when we discover they were always there. That’s how we progress through time becoming more and more complex, more and more aware, from year to year, from life to life.

And all that musings because I managed today for the second time in a row to get to the city center before 10:30. Three days ago it seemed as if I was cursed, no matter how I tried I ended getting here around 11. But, yesterday I did it. And today too.

Small things can too be a way in which the mind expresses itself.